please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
