is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
