Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
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remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
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just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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