just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
