you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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