I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize