it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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