Old men and throwing up are my life now.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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