apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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