p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
