i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
