I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Duck Duck Cougar?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
