you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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