I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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