Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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