If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
