im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm always down for nudity.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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