im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
