Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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