did you get engaged???
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
