oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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