Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
