So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Randomize
