My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
