I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
