Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
