According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
