I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
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This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
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"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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