i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
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I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
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I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize