I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
