i jhust puked up my retainher.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
