Please, let me fuck your mom
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
