so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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