oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
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The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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