I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
