nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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