do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
