Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
