His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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