i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize