What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
so much tequila, so little girl.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
