you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
