Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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