dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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