I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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