True but thats because hes a fetus.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
