becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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