so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Ladies don't puke and tell
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
