Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
