Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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