life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
