dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
