2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish you could order shots online.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
