i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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