I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
