I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
