so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Im part way to drunk.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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