They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Are my feet made of real feet?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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