THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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