dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize