So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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