I want to stick my p in your. b.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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