I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
