Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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