Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
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you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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