I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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