She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
