It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
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Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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