i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
